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Under Construction

We all know that children’s egos are under construction. They’re trying to establish an identity, independence, and they’re learning how to get attention, love, and affection.

We understand this as adults and, most of the time, we tolerate their dysfunctional, ego-driven behavior. The two-year old temper tantrum is not included in that statement.

They begin to learn, if they have good parents:

  • It’s not about me.
  • I’m not the center of the universe.
  • I can’t always get what I want.
  • I’m not here to get what I want, I’m here to help others get what they want.
  • I can’t yell, scream, and say nasty thinks to people.
  • I can get love, affection, and attention by giving other people love, affection, and attention.
  • It’s not about me.
  • I’m not the center of the universe.
  • I can’t always get what I want.
  • I’m not here to get what I want, I’m here to help others get what they want.
  • I can’t yell, scream, and say nasty thinks to people.
  • I can get love, affection, and attention by giving other people love, affection, and attention.

In our wisdom, we understand this construction process and we help it along so our children grow into fully functioning adults who contribute to the world.

I see a lot of incomplete construction projects in the world today. Too many people are like those abandoned construction projects that we see from time to time. Their egos never developed from the “terrible two’s.” Maybe their parents abandoned them or didn’t do a good job parenting. Maybe their life circumstances were not conducive to growing into a fully functioning human being. Maybe they didn’t have the right role models. We don’t know.

But we don’t show dysfunctional, ego-driven adults the same compassion and understanding that we give to little children. In fact, we can return their own dysfunctional behavior with our own. Just browse Facebook.

As I get older, I find that it is much easier to recognize ego-driven behavior, including my own. Why am I writing this article. Do I want love, affection and attention? Well, yes! But, in my 80-year old wisdom, I can ask myself if this is a primary or secondary driver. If I’m pursuing love, attention and affection for its own sake, it will be my primary driver, and I will be trapped in my ego pursuing something that I’m never going to realize in a fully authentic way. If I can make my primary driver helping someone else, then I might get some of that love, attention, and affection in a genuine way even if it’s only from one person.

What’s the point? We’re all under construction, and we will be until the day we die. Let’s grow up and learn the lessons we should have learned during the “terrible two’s.”

  • It’s not about me.
  • I’m not the center of the universe.
  • I can’t always get what I want.
  • I’m not here to get what I want, I’m here to help others get what they want.
  • I can’t yell, scream, and say nasty thinks to people.
  • I can get love, affection, and attention by giving other people love, affection, and attention.

If this topic resonates with you, Join my Learning Community – Outsmarting Time and Culture

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Pat Whitty

Pat Whitty

Life Transition Coach

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